[Hoarse still, weak. He clears his throat, squeezes his eyes shut. When they open again, he imagines himself as he is, not as he was: his irises a brilliant white, his sclera gray and cloudy, his skin pale and blue-veined. He is dead. But he isn't dead anymore. He's more alive than Snafu is, he means what he said. He feels more than Snaf feels. Loves more than Snaf loves. Hates more than he hates, maybe.]
[He thinks he might hate his inmate. But he doesn't want to. He thinks he ought to be better than that, better than to be drawn in and twisted around by cruelty as he was before. Stronger than that, maybe. He wonders what Simon would say if he was in this room right now, then dismisses the thought; nothing Simon would say would be appropriate or helpful. He's too protective and too dogmatic. There's a reason it's Kieren and not him. There's got to be a reason.]
[There's got to be a reason, Kieren Walker.]
No, [he says again, shakes his head, almost but not quite smiling. The blue of his lips shows through.] I never did. I never needed to. Didn't want to, after a while.
Why are you asking? It doesn't matter to you. Are you that bored?
spam; tw suicide
[Hoarse still, weak. He clears his throat, squeezes his eyes shut. When they open again, he imagines himself as he is, not as he was: his irises a brilliant white, his sclera gray and cloudy, his skin pale and blue-veined. He is dead. But he isn't dead anymore. He's more alive than Snafu is, he means what he said. He feels more than Snaf feels. Loves more than Snaf loves. Hates more than he hates, maybe.]
[He thinks he might hate his inmate. But he doesn't want to. He thinks he ought to be better than that, better than to be drawn in and twisted around by cruelty as he was before. Stronger than that, maybe. He wonders what Simon would say if he was in this room right now, then dismisses the thought; nothing Simon would say would be appropriate or helpful. He's too protective and too dogmatic. There's a reason it's Kieren and not him. There's got to be a reason.]
[There's got to be a reason, Kieren Walker.]
No, [he says again, shakes his head, almost but not quite smiling. The blue of his lips shows through.] I never did. I never needed to. Didn't want to, after a while.
Why are you asking? It doesn't matter to you. Are you that bored?