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02 ☢ hits you so much harder than you thought
spam } snafu
[He doesn't know whether to be grateful or worried that he got paired up so quickly. It's something to distract him from Simon, at least - Simon being here and being Simon all over everyone. It isn't that he's not happy to see him, it's just that - well. Politics make things complicated, and Simon wears politics like one of his bulky sweaters.]
[Snafu, he thinks, is not much for politics. Snafu, he thinks, is very simple while being very complicated all at one time. Snafu is going to be trouble.]
[This was something he knew already, but reading the file makes it certain. Never mind the fact that on reading it he feels a little dirty, as if he's become privy to someone's worst, darkest secrets. Which is more or less the case. Made worse by the fact that he doesn't think Snafu will care that he knows.]
[In the end, after a few hours of lying in bed thinking about too many things all at once, he decides to just get it over with. Sits in the mirror and carefully removes the mousse, because there's nothing worse than being caught in an in-between state. His anxiety is at an all-time high, his heart would be palpitating if it could, and now he's walking to Snafu's door. He can feel how pale he is, see the white of his eyes as other people can see them. But he doesn't stop until he's knocking.]
voice } gene
Hiya. I have to ask you something.
[It's not a nice something, exactly, but it's. He just has to ask it, all right.]
spam } enclosure
[After meeting with Snaf - a mixed bag, as he expects these meetings might be for a while - he wants to walk. To be alone, or as alone as he can be in a place like this, but to be outside, too - as outside as you can be indoors. The obvious solution to this is programming a wide, empty field with sparse treeline in the distance into the Enclosure and go for a long walk.]
[His gait is still not quite steady, his skin deathly pale, eyes dead white. But he's smiling in the face of the wind, even if this place isn't natural and he knows it.]
text } admiral
[He doesn't know whether to be grateful or worried that he got paired up so quickly. It's something to distract him from Simon, at least - Simon being here and being Simon all over everyone. It isn't that he's not happy to see him, it's just that - well. Politics make things complicated, and Simon wears politics like one of his bulky sweaters.]
[Snafu, he thinks, is not much for politics. Snafu, he thinks, is very simple while being very complicated all at one time. Snafu is going to be trouble.]
[This was something he knew already, but reading the file makes it certain. Never mind the fact that on reading it he feels a little dirty, as if he's become privy to someone's worst, darkest secrets. Which is more or less the case. Made worse by the fact that he doesn't think Snafu will care that he knows.]
[In the end, after a few hours of lying in bed thinking about too many things all at once, he decides to just get it over with. Sits in the mirror and carefully removes the mousse, because there's nothing worse than being caught in an in-between state. His anxiety is at an all-time high, his heart would be palpitating if it could, and now he's walking to Snafu's door. He can feel how pale he is, see the white of his eyes as other people can see them. But he doesn't stop until he's knocking.]
voice } gene
Hiya. I have to ask you something.
[It's not a nice something, exactly, but it's. He just has to ask it, all right.]
spam } enclosure
[After meeting with Snaf - a mixed bag, as he expects these meetings might be for a while - he wants to walk. To be alone, or as alone as he can be in a place like this, but to be outside, too - as outside as you can be indoors. The obvious solution to this is programming a wide, empty field with sparse treeline in the distance into the Enclosure and go for a long walk.]
[His gait is still not quite steady, his skin deathly pale, eyes dead white. But he's smiling in the face of the wind, even if this place isn't natural and he knows it.]
text } admiral
Dear Admiral,
You could've just asked.
For Steve, charcoal pencils of different softness. Pastels, in case he likes them.
For Eugene, foods he's used to. Some little figurine landmarks of Mobile, Alabama. A picture of what it looks like now.
For Snafu, his favorite cigarettes. Foods he's used to. Hand sanitizer.
For T'Pol, something to do with her hands. A stress ball? Sweaters.
For Philip, that board game we made.
For Chromie, book repair equipment. A nice sweater that fits well, plain with bulky knit. Forest green.
For Simon, two Bibles, one antique one, a nice one, gilt and all, one to mark up. I'll make the other part of his gift myself.
private
[It wouldn't make sense to talk about home too much in the middle of what they were going through, Kieren supposes. It makes him wonder if Rick ever talked about, thought about home, about him, while he was deployed. It makes him ache a little, to think that he didn't - that that was far from his mind when he died.]
When we get there-- [He says when, not if, and sighs.] Maybe you can help him decide. I don't - know that I'm qualified. I've never been anywhere like that. Only home and dead.
private
Of course I'll help. [There's a beat of hesitation, because he's still not sure what to say to people when they tell you things like that.] Sorry. About- [You know. Being dead.]
private
Don't be. I'm used to it.
Does he tell you everything? [Bear with him, he's asking this for a reason.]
private
If it's important. [If Snafu thinks it's important anyway.
Although that gets a soft huff of laughter of his own.]
If it's not important, too, I guess.
private
I came back, after I was dead. So your apology's a bit late anyway.
private
What do you mean, you came back?
private
[A beat.]
You think I'm lying, don't you. [He can't blame Gene, really. It sounds like bullshit.]
private
Is that... normal, where you're from?
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[He hesitates, here, not sure if he should say anything more, if explaining it in detail will make Gene think that people like the HVF were right and people like Kieren should be put to death; but then, he might as well know now, shouldn't he, whether or not he's talking to someone who'd hate what he is? Maybe it's just Simon's influence making him think that, but he doesn't want to lie now, not even by omission.]
People killed us. Because we were dangerous, before we were medicated. When we were rabid. We hurt people. I hurt people.
private
[He still doesn't sound afraid, or pissed off, or judgmental. Wary, now, but not much else. If Kieren's a warden, he's got to be a decent person, right?]
private
Our brains - we were messed up. Wrong in the head. We're all on medicine for it, now. By law.
[There's some unease in what he's saying, now. Uncertainty as to whether he should have told Gene after all. Is he going to end up being just like all the others, unwilling to listen, quick to brand them all monsters?]
private
So he's quiet for a moment, still trying to parse it.]
But you're really alive again. Or are you- [Is this offensive to ask?] Somethin' like a zombie?
private
Yes. Exactly like that.
Only we're not supposed to use that word. Er, living people aren't. According to . . . some of us. The Risen.
It's complicated, right, but yes, you've got the basic principle down exactly.
private
[And... that's apparently all Gene has to add or say or comment on about this for the time being. Don't call him a zombie, he's alive but kind of not, okay. Sure. We can work with this.]
private
[Kieren just . . . exhales. Nothing bad's happened. He's not being attacked. Nobody's hurt.]
[He thinks he just did the right thing.]
You're the first person I told. Besides infirmary staff. And - well, Snafu.
private
[It's Kieren's business, and while Gene's not all that certain (okay, he's pretty sure) Snafu won't keep it to himself, he can try and help the other guy out by doing this if he wants him to.]
private
Anyway, I can't keep it a secret much longer.
private
Don't know who I'd tell, but.
private
Could tell Snafu again. Go round robin until everybody knows a bunch of times.
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