changeit | 02 ☢ hits you so much harder than you thought

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02 ☢ hits you so much harder than you thought

spam } snafu

[He doesn't know whether to be grateful or worried that he got paired up so quickly. It's something to distract him from Simon, at least - Simon being here and being Simon all over everyone. It isn't that he's not happy to see him, it's just that - well. Politics make things complicated, and Simon wears politics like one of his bulky sweaters.]

[Snafu, he thinks, is not much for politics. Snafu, he thinks, is very simple while being very complicated all at one time. Snafu is going to be trouble.]

[This was something he knew already, but reading the file makes it certain. Never mind the fact that on reading it he feels a little dirty, as if he's become privy to someone's worst, darkest secrets. Which is more or less the case. Made worse by the fact that he doesn't think Snafu will care that he knows.]

[In the end, after a few hours of lying in bed thinking about too many things all at once, he decides to just get it over with. Sits in the mirror and carefully removes the mousse, because there's nothing worse than being caught in an in-between state. His anxiety is at an all-time high, his heart would be palpitating if it could, and now he's walking to Snafu's door. He can feel how pale he is, see the white of his eyes as other people can see them. But he doesn't stop until he's knocking.]

voice } gene

Hiya. I have to ask you something.

[It's not a nice something, exactly, but it's. He just has to ask it, all right.]

spam } enclosure

[After meeting with Snaf - a mixed bag, as he expects these meetings might be for a while - he wants to walk. To be alone, or as alone as he can be in a place like this, but to be outside, too - as outside as you can be indoors. The obvious solution to this is programming a wide, empty field with sparse treeline in the distance into the Enclosure and go for a long walk.]

[His gait is still not quite steady, his skin deathly pale, eyes dead white. But he's smiling in the face of the wind, even if this place isn't natural and he knows it.]

text } admiral

Dear Admiral,

You could've just asked.

For Steve, charcoal pencils of different softness. Pastels, in case he likes them.
For Eugene, foods he's used to. Some little figurine landmarks of Mobile, Alabama. A picture of what it looks like now.
For Snafu, his favorite cigarettes. Foods he's used to. Hand sanitizer.
For T'Pol, something to do with her hands. A stress ball? Sweaters.
For Philip, that board game we made.
For Chromie, book repair equipment. A nice sweater that fits well, plain with bulky knit. Forest green.
For Simon, two Bibles, one antique one, a nice one, gilt and all, one to mark up. I'll make the other part of his gift myself.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It's absolutely a good enough reason for Gene. Hell, if something had happened to Sid, and the Admiral had offered, he'd be here. He's lucky nothing happened to Sid. Nothing really physically bad, anyway.

And apparently, something bad is going to happen to his other closest friend, and so even if he wasn't here for Ack Ack, he might have wound up here anyway.

He doesn't say sorry - it's something that's kind of been phased out of his language for the time being, because sorry doesn't change the shit you're going through and sometimes sympathy's more grating than a comfort - so he offers something else instead, like he's trying to put them on equal footing.]

I'm here for the Skipper. Captain Haldane. [Who he's assuming at least was mentioned in Snaf's file, if not talked about at length.]

But if I'd've known what happened and he wasn't here, I probably would've made a deal for him.

[Basically, he gets it. Or thinks he does, anyway.]

[It wouldn't have been insulting, an apology, but it wouldn't have been appropriate, either. The only person who needs to be sorry for Amy's death is the woman who killed her. No one else is at fault, and anyway, an apology makes it seem as though they haven't already celebrated her life. Her afterlife, too. Amy's the type of person to make jokes about sorries.]

[It relaxes him, to hear about Gene's deal. Makes him feel as though he isn't crazy to be here just for a friend. Like he isn't trying to go against the natural order of things.]

You won't have to. I think - after all of this is over, he'll come back.

[Which makes him wonder.]

Back to the war?

Yeah. [Which is a depressing thought, and Sledge has to take a slow breath as he imagines that possibility, of what heading back to Peleliu is going to be like after being somewhere safe and comfortable.

After this is all over, they have to go back.]

If that's where he wants to go.

[And Gene won't blame him if it's not. He won't. Snafu's already been through Gloucester and now Peleliu, why wouldn't he want to get the hell out of the Pacific?]

Edited 2015-01-01 01:52 (UTC)

Is there anywhere else?

[Because from what he read of the file, it doesn't really seem like there is. Maybe that's not his business. At least not yet. Maybe he and Snafu will get closer, though at the moment he can't help but doubt it; maybe someday it'll be for him to help decide, but . . .]

[But for now, it feels as though all he can do is worry impotently about the potential well-being of someone who doesn't think he's worth the time of day. Not even worth a bad word, much less a good one.]

He doesn't talk that much about home. [And what he has said, it's not really personal, or longing, or nostalgic. Definitely not the same way the rest of them do. Gene's never asked why - it doesn't feel like it's his place, and if Snafu wanted him to know, he'd probably tell him - but hearing someone else ask it makes it suddenly seem a hell of a lot worse than it's ever been before.

It just hadn't really seemed like that big of a deal on Peleliu, because maybe none of them should talk about home like they were ever going to see it again, but if this guy's got a file on Snaf and it's got half the information Jimmy's had on him, it's kind of distressing to hear it put that simply.]

But anywhere's better than where we've been, so I can't blame him if he wants to go somewhere else.

Yeah. I expect not.

[It wouldn't make sense to talk about home too much in the middle of what they were going through, Kieren supposes. It makes him wonder if Rick ever talked about, thought about home, about him, while he was deployed. It makes him ache a little, to think that he didn't - that that was far from his mind when he died.]

When we get there-- [He says when, not if, and sighs.] Maybe you can help him decide. I don't - know that I'm qualified. I've never been anywhere like that. Only home and dead.

[When, not if is encouraging, and it makes Sledge relax a little, even if he frowns when Kieren continues. Not that the other guy can see him, but... Gene didn't know he'd died. If his deal is for his friend, does that mean he's planning on staying here longer, or is he going to just go back to being dead when he's done here?]

Of course I'll help. [There's a beat of hesitation, because he's still not sure what to say to people when they tell you things like that.] Sorry. About- [You know. Being dead.]

Edited 2015-01-05 12:48 (UTC)

[It takes a moment for Kieren to realize what Gene's referring to. When he understands that it's his death - well, he actually laughs, a quiet huff of a sound.]

Don't be. I'm used to it.

Does he tell you everything? [Bear with him, he's asking this for a reason.]

[It's another sort of weird question to be asked, and a weirder one to answer, because Gene feels like the answer's yes, when he basically has already admitted the answer is no. Snaf doesn't talk about his past or his plans for after the war, so no, he doesn't tell Gene everything.]

If it's important. [If Snafu thinks it's important anyway.

Although that gets a soft huff of laughter of his own.]

If it's not important, too, I guess.

Well, then. I told him, so I might as well tell you, if it's going to get around.

I came back, after I was dead. So your apology's a bit late anyway.

[There's a short pause, and Gene winds up sounding more confused than skeptical.]

What do you mean, you came back?

Came back. From the dead. Like my body came alive again, walking around like normal.

[A beat.]

You think I'm lying, don't you. [He can't blame Gene, really. It sounds like bullshit.]

No. [It still sounds crazy, but:] After everything I've heard about here, I believe you.

Is that... normal, where you're from?

Normal? No, it's not normal. It's - there are a lot of us, but not many compared to the rest of everyone. And not as many as there used to be.

[He hesitates, here, not sure if he should say anything more, if explaining it in detail will make Gene think that people like the HVF were right and people like Kieren should be put to death; but then, he might as well know now, shouldn't he, whether or not he's talking to someone who'd hate what he is? Maybe it's just Simon's influence making him think that, but he doesn't want to lie now, not even by omission.]

People killed us. Because we were dangerous, before we were medicated. When we were rabid. We hurt people. I hurt people.

On purpose?

[He still doesn't sound afraid, or pissed off, or judgmental. Wary, now, but not much else. If Kieren's a warden, he's got to be a decent person, right?]

No! No, no, no. Not on purpose.

Our brains - we were messed up. Wrong in the head. We're all on medicine for it, now. By law.

[There's some unease in what he's saying, now. Uncertainty as to whether he should have told Gene after all. Is he going to end up being just like all the others, unwilling to listen, quick to brand them all monsters?]

[He's not, he's just... trying to process all of it. It's a lot to take in, and so much of the stuff he's seen and experienced here often still feels very, very surreal.

So he's quiet for a moment, still trying to parse it.]

But you're really alive again. Or are you- [Is this offensive to ask?] Somethin' like a zombie?

[Oh. Thank god. That's so much easier than having to explain it.]

Yes. Exactly like that.

Only we're not supposed to use that word. Er, living people aren't. According to . . . some of us. The Risen.

It's complicated, right, but yes, you've got the basic principle down exactly.

Alright.

[And... that's apparently all Gene has to add or say or comment on about this for the time being. Don't call him a zombie, he's alive but kind of not, okay. Sure. We can work with this.]

All right.

[Kieren just . . . exhales. Nothing bad's happened. He's not being attacked. Nobody's hurt.]

[He thinks he just did the right thing.]

You're the first person I told. Besides infirmary staff. And - well, Snafu.

I'm not gonna go blabbin' about it to anyone, if you want to keep it quiet.

[It's Kieren's business, and while Gene's not all that certain (okay, he's pretty sure) Snafu won't keep it to himself, he can try and help the other guy out by doing this if he wants him to.]